I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
