i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
