I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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