I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
