Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to make out with him forever
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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