My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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