It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize