Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
