Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
