Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
