Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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