i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
