So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
