She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
