you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
