I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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