Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
