I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize