Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
