When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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