i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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