if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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