Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it penis luge time yet?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
