Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
