YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
