We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i came on her dog
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
