He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize