talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
