i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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