First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
