I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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