Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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