I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
