I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
