Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
