Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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