just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We got so high we made milksteak
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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