She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
