put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
