Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
