sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
as a side note pls kill me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
