dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
