Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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