i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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