I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
