yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize