guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
