By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
