I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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