Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
