birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
