i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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