is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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