Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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