I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
