Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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