Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
