I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
