Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
