After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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