I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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