whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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