i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
