my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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