I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
