i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
