i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
