Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
