tell your sister to shave her snatch
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize