It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
