I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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