Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So vagazzling was a success
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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