then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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