i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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